So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
