we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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