I just threw up on my dentist
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
