been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sex in a hospital.. check
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
