turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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