I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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