quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
