I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
