Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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