We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
