Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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