At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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