Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
