Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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