i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
