i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
