handjob tips. give me some.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just invented taco cereal.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
