ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
