Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
