shes about as inviting as chlamydia
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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