but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
