i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
