I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
