there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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