well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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