but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
