it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
