she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
