It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
