Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
