Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
