my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
