I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
