And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
