it hurts more in the daytime
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
