the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
