the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
