if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
