This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
