I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
