from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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