I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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