Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
