one might say we're banned from that church
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
