And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
even my farts smell like vagina
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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