I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
