her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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