I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
