the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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