i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
